Talk:Screenplay

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Translation Revision Notes from Terry Hancock (aka TJH aka Digitante)

http://morevnaproject.org/wiki/Screenplay#Encounter_at_the_old_ruins

I translated "ДВОР" as "INDUSTRIAL YARD", based on the description. It's not a perfect match, because it doesn't convey the idea of being enclosed on the sides by buildings. But a "COURT" is usually a sporting area or garden, not an industrial area like this. "LOADING DOCKS" might also work, except that no actual docks (raised concrete platforms for unloading trucks) are mentioned -- and those are usually paved with concrete, where this one is dirt.

quadrangle, precinct, ward? --KonstantinDmitriev 05:53, 3 February 2010 (UTC)
'precinct' and 'ward' are definitely wrong -- those names for neighborhoods or sections of a city. 'quadrangle' is rare and used mainly to refer to academic campuses (usually not industrial, though occasionally 'quad' is used that way -- we could say "INDUSTRIAL QUAD", but it won't be much more clear). Anyway, I figure that as a direction it's not that important, since it won't be in the final film. Better to just explain how you want it to look (or draw a plan). Digitante 04:30, 5 February 2010 (UTC)

Some tough action descriptions here! I don't really understand the cabinet with the insulated tank that Baba-Yaga is interested in. I'm not quite sure how Ivan and Baba-Yaga are physically oriented right before their encounter (why does he need to push her to get away?).

There was an paragraph skipped in the translation... http://morevnaproject.org/wiki/index.php5?title=Screenplay&diff=772&oldid=771 --KonstantinDmitriev 05:53, 3 February 2010 (UTC)
Oops! Okay, thanks. I just cleaned that paragraph up and now it makes more sense. Digitante 04:32, 5 February 2010 (UTC)


http://morevnaproject.org/wiki/Screenplay#Crossing_the_bridge

The word "БУЯН" in the scene description is auto-translated as "BRAWLER" (as in "a person who fights"?).

I have no idea what this means, and it doesn't seem to be necessary. Seems to be related to the BRIDGE or the HIGHWAY. Is it a particular type of road or something? The MULTITRAN Russian dictionary lists a whole lot of meanings for БУЯН.

Perhaps "БУЯН" is the name of the island?

Right, "БУЯН" is the name of the island and the best is just to transliterate it - "Buyan". --KonstantinDmitriev
Okay, that makes sense, will fix Digitante 02:01, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

The soldiers are described as having "machines/cars" with armaments. This could be ordinary cars rigged with weapons, or it could be tanks and jeeps and stuff. I'm guessing the latter was intended. I used "military vehicles".

Yes, here's a "military vechicles". --KonstantinDmitriev

some clues to Marya Morevna's image

bylina/epical heroine bylina = Russian heroic epic

"korolevna" = king's daughter, princess not a "queen" as it implies a king husband, which is not true

the key feature "tsar-devitsa":

1. if to take "tsar" for "have features of a male monarch: firmness, wisdom, etc."

2. some etymologists suppose "tsar-" as an epithet "the best ever possible"

  • final fantasy : )
  • ultimate beauty

just a thought:

  • pagan/heathen goddess
  • born human goddess

still thinking over the right words :-)

oh, Death, my sis (c) Rada

sis' professions:

  • mechanicartificer/motorcar mechanic
  • doctor/healer/doc/medic
  • priestess sounds great. the only thing: the first meaning in a dictionary is "a priest's wife" - not the meaning we need. Oxford dictionary reads: a female priest of a non-Christian religion - much better. but in this case we need to be sure she doesn't wear a "Christian religion" robe.

hun sounds boring imho

"Priest's wife" is new to me! I've never ever heard that definition for "priestess" (Also, my dictionary doesn't include this meaning), especially since priests traditionally don't marry! "Nuns" don't marry either, so that's all pretty weird. "Priestess" is a female priest.
Traditionally, though, Catholics only accepted men as priests. Protestants don't call their ministers "priests" (they call them "reverend", "minister", or "preacher"). So "priestess" came to refer only to religions in matriarchal "pagan" religions. Recently, of course, Episcopalians have allowed women to become "priests", but they call them "priests", just like the men. So "priestess" suggests a pagan religion.
"Priestess" is also, of course, an anime archetype, where the "priestess" is usually Shinto (but sometimes some unspecified religion). My recommendation is to stick with "priestess", because it works as well as any other word is going to. The main oddity is that she is shown using a cross as a religious icon in magic rituals. I've seen Japanese anime in which a Western "nun" is given these characteristics, but of course, that's just Japanese writers not knowing about Western culture. Probably not something to copy!
Answering this in a definite way is a "world building" exercise -- you have to decide how "priestesses" fit into your cyberpunk/mecha/nanotech universe. We're obviously in some kind of fantasy world, so we're free to re-write these rules if we want. Digitante 01:21, 12 February 2010 (UTC)

I think that the English translation should flip the sisters' names to: MECHANIC-SISTER, DOCTOR-SISTER, PRIESTESS-SISTER. The names have looked weird to me, but I only just thought of this. This way the professions are just adjectives -- "the sister who is a mechanic", etc. Probably do the same with their husbands "BUSINESSMAN-HUSBAND", etc. Digitante 01:21, 12 February 2010 (UTC)

Unless, of course, we're going to give them actual names. In the first fairy tale version you linked to, they do have names. I didn't like that one of them was "Marya" though ("never use the same name twice in a screenplay"). :-) Digitante 01:29, 12 February 2010 (UTC)

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